The KEY feature of transgender angst arises from something that is very often forgotten: that language BETRAYS you!
By that I mean all those words we end up using (she, her, he, him, woman, girl, man, boy, female, etc.) were all enslaved to meaning by the majority cis-population. "Meaning is use" sayeth Wittgenstein. And guess who gets to define (via usage) what these words are supposed to mean?
So it's very (very!) easy to end up persecuting oneself by using terms that set the bar of gender conformity way beyond one's psychological reach.
The language betrays you. Don't let it!